The Joke Thread

[falklands]

Because the Quotes thread doesn't really have outright jokes, I though I might create a thread for them. They can be as long, or short, as you like. To start off, here's a longer one:

A man goes to psychiatrist and explains why he’s feeling depressed.
"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my step-daughter.
My dad came to visit and fell in love with my lovely step-daughter and then married her. And so my step-daughter was now my step-mother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since my son is the half-brother of my step-daughter, who is now my daddy's wife.
So, as I told you, when my step-daughter married my daddy, she was at once my step-mother. Now, since my new son is brother to my step-mother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my step-mother's mother. Don't forget that my step-mother is my step-daughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.
But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand why I’m feeling down?"

[Armany]

LOL That's a confusing one, but funny!

[Geberia]

Here is a Polish joke (I can tell it because I'm part Pole...sorry if it offends any other Poles out there! lOL)

A man walks into a store, goes up to the cashier, and asks for some Polish sausage.

The cashier looks at the man funny and says, "Are you Polish?"

the man, clearly offended, says, "WEll, yes, I am! But let me ask you -

If i had asked for some saurkraut would you have asked if I was German?

Or if I had asked for some tortillas would you have asked me if I was Mexican?"

"Well, no, "The clerk admitted.

The man continued, "Or if I asked for some crumpets would you have asked if I was English?

Or if I had asked for rice would you have asked if I was Chinese?"

"Well, no," the clerk admitted again.

"Then why , when I ask for Polish sausage, do you ask me if I'm Polish?" The man vehemently asks.

The cashier replies, "because this is Home Depot."

[gynovia]

ah i love this thread. lol
ok hears a funny one
The sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little David interupted
"my mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, " and she turned into a telephone pole!"

[falklands]

;DLOL that was funny

[falklands]

Another long one:

How Cold Is Cold?

60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

50 Miami residents turn on the heat

40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming

35 Italian cars don't start

32 Water freezes

30 You plan your vacation to Australia

25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming

20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South

15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10 You need jumper cables to get the car going

5 American cars don't start

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts

-10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start

-25 Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get the driver going

-30 You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don't start

-40 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, Your car helps you plan your trip South

-50 Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window

-80 Hell freezes over, Polar bears move South

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets

[gynovia]

LOL

[Geberia]

That was really cute!

[falklands]

Be reminded that I didn't make these up ;D