from nothing to something

[christian]

i write this now more as a way to remind me of all the great things that have happen at this moment I'm very sad and have wanted to harm myself very badly so instead IL post my testimony of how i went from a life going no ware to a life with a chance now and a good one i just have to make do on it now
________________________________________________

i was born in California riverside county riverside city are family was fine and was church going loving mom everything was going great normal life so far

then due to expenses its not CHEAP TO LIVE THERE!

we moved to GA because my fathers step brother owned a Tire shop and wanted him to manage one in a other city

so we moved out to a nice trailer park only 4 trailers we lived in a double wide

found a new church my dad became the piano man and my mom a singer and my brother started to enter school at this point but he then drooped out and my Mother was going to home school us both

did i say she was a craft maker to even sold it at shows! and malls

my mother around when i was 6 was paying most of her time with my brother on school and i was mostly left out

but then she started losing it first she started thinking there was secret codes being told threw the TV and the Computer and then that my dads step brother was out to get us and then started thinking the hole town and government was after her and we knew something was really wrong when she took me and my brother down to a motel in FLA and sat there waiting for some CIA men to meet us but that never happen and we came home the next day

then she started talking to the celling and kept the air at 60degrees and started playing music very very very! loud i had to sleep to the thump of the base of her music going threw my think wall it tormented me

and this all unfolded over a 10 year span of neglect i never got any schooling besides some very basic reading and writing i got when i was 12 by my dad just so i could read

threw this hole time i had only 1 friend who would come over few weeks and some times only a few times a month and the church was the main thing i went out to

being so alone made me suffer a fear of people and a inability to handle conflict with unknown people

threw this hole time i spent most of it playing games war games simulations bosuns games so i learned alot from playing these types of games and spurred interest into some of the topics i love today and i also read alot on the Internet

the computer was my life it was my teaching tool

around when i was i think 14 my brother started to suffer depression he had thoughts of suicide but never acted on them and still has small trouble today but has recorved mostly but his depression is nothing compared to my depression that was about to hit me later on

then when i was 15 i was half way to death when i was taken to the hospital with a blood sugar 600+ i was then told i was type 1 diabetic with no family history of anyone with it

then when i hit 17 is when i looked into the future and did not like what i saw and i thought I'm going to change this and i tried hard started to control my blood sugar better got in shape started working hard started working on my schooling

then after a few weeks i saw that all the work would mean very Little for i felt i had no hope of being something Special and i FELL INTO A MASSIVE DEPRESSION

first i was crying at nights trying to go to sleep it took 2 hours of crying till i could go to sleep i then started to get lazy then i started grabbing a knife at night and holding it to my throat just wanting to die but never having the will to try it and then

i emailed my paster who knew me on the outside mask i gave to people but did not know what i had been going threw and i spilled my guts out and told him everything my life story and everything and he said there was hope and change is happening now and after that night things were moving

then 1 afternoon i picked up a knife on the steps of my porch and thought about killing myself for 2 hours and then took a pin and started grinding my arm with it did not even brake the skin but the Relief was so GREAT all the pain went away for a moment and i lol while doing this because i was so happy to not feel the depression just for a moment

then i kept doing this and then i moved up to lancets a sharp tool used to test the blood sugar and started cutting myself with these and then starting 4 months ago upgraded to Razors and soon i was unable to control my cutting it took control of me and i found myself cutting everyday 5 cutts at a time and they got deeper and i needed more and seeing blood for some reason excited me and now i get urges threw the day everyday and i have scars now which IL have to live with

but then the best thing came up my paster used to live in a nice apartment and had not sold it yet so my dad moved us in to this place to get me away from my House of pain i like to call it and then got into the GED program and my life finally started moving forward for the first time ever and felt like i had a real chance now


i prayed thousands of times to save my mom to help me crying countless nights begging and finally i was out finally i was free and college a life seemed like a dream now its a realty!

if there is a god i cant think of a way to thank him and i hope this was his work

Christian helmersen.

PS post if you want me to explain how i got into 3 loony bins in all of this

[New Titania (TD)]

Wow, amazing story.

[steelsheen]

There is a God.
And he is real.
He made the earth,
And now I feel
That when I look up at that sun,
There is a God, and he is real!
Some people say
There is no God
Don't go to church or pray
But when they die,
They will change their minds!
There is a God...

And He is real! (I don't remember where I heard this poem)

Anyway- yeah- I have one of these stories, a little.

My parents divorced when I was three. Have you ever heard of the guy who ate people? I had his psychiatrist, who said that I would never, ever be normal; and my older brother would never smile. I sat and screamed all day in my high chair and tore my hair out.

And then my mother got saved.

Things started getting better...

Then we started going to a praying church, and they prayed that my parents would remarry.

When I was five, nearly six, they did.

And what do you know? I'm nearly normal. My older brother has a beautiful smile. I have two little brothers whom I adore...

But people still try to tell me there is no God. Got new for y'all. There is. And I believe in Him, and He believes in me.

Abbreviated version, there is waayyy more to it, but still, it's a miracle I've got a Daddy!

[falklands]

Amazing story Christian!

A way to help your focus be taken off despair and depression is simply to be fully dedicated to God! Go to websites about God, not atheism. Have reminders of God's love all around you. It can be anything. For example, you could write, in huge letters,

JESUS LOVES YOU!!! on the wall or on a poster. Read the Bible as much as possible, preferably Psalms or the New Testament. Above all, do all things to the Glory of God. God bless you.

Falklands

[christian]

yes my therapist told me one time she thinks i have a obsession with my depression and self harm and i think to much about myself

i do think i have a obsession with self harm tho

[falklands]

Try to be obsessed with God, matey.

[Geberia]

Yeah that is a pretty awesome story Christian. I admire the fact that you went and told your pastor, that takes alot of courage. And I'm glad you were thinking about God and posting here at a time when you were depressed. I hope it worked and cheered you up. Falklands had a good idea, just keep on reading the Bible and reading stuff about God, and also thinking about God. It helps alot, I know.

and here's a poem too -
Don't quit when the tide is lowest, for its just about to turn
Don't quit over doubts and questions, for there's something you may learn.

Don't quit when the night is darkest, For its just a while till dawn.
Don't quit when you've won the farthest, for the race is almost won.

Don't quit when the hill is steepest, For your goal is almost nigh.
Don't quit, for you're not a faliure, Until you fail to try.
- Jill Wolf

[steelsheen]

Don't throw a life away just because it has a few dents.

They add what is commonly known as 'character' and 'courage'.