prayer request

[christian]

iv been harming myself for 7 months with razors and knifes broken glass mainly cutting and ingraving mean words into my arms i have had well over hunderds of cutts and 4 scars

iv been making headway and m trying to stop iv not hurt myself in 2 days


also iv been battling depression and have attempted 3 sucides hanging wrist cutting overdose and been in 3 mental hospitals all in 7 months and was on the verge of being sent to a hospital last week and my faith and christian life has been getting worse

plesse pray for me

[falklands]

Dear Lord,

Please heal Christian from this affliction and give him strength to overcome it. Satan only wants to kill and destroy, but Your love overcomes all. You love him so much that You sent Your only Son to die for him. You are so great, God! I pray that you would send Your Holy Spirit to fill him till the love overflows, so that he would be utterly free from this bondage. Touch him, and make him clean and pure. You can do all things, Lord. You desire his health and well-being. Thank-you Lord for all that you do and all that you will do in Christian. Praise the Lord! Amen.

[gynovia]

amen. absolutely. we'll pray for you- sounds like you've really been having some hard times lately.

[bimbettes]

That sounds sooo hard for u - il pray for u and i hope u cn remember that God is always there at these low times even tho it cn b soo hard
xxx

[Geberia]

Yes, just remember that God can fix anything and can save you from anything. He has already won that battle! I hope you can grow in your Christian faith here Christian!

[christian]

whenever i look in the Mirror i cry at my arms i can count atleast over 30 healing cutts and pain engraved on my right arm and 2 weeks ago i almost went threw my wrist and the bleeding took 10 Min's to stop and there was a pool of blood on the floor i almost always wear long sleeves to hide it from others and myself and i feel like i hate myself at times

i no this might be hard to read but i just need somewhere to talk i hope you all don't mind

here's a poem i wrote last night

The inspired light 10-28-05
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The inspired light travels far into my soul

the gloomy days pass like lights into the moon
beneath the snowy trees of hurt it treks on the pressure
of fall on my spirit on my heart

only the warmth of a father
only the love of a mother
only a purpose driven life can plow the pain away
only love can sustain the seasons
only truth can sustain the suns

Only i can sustain my love.

[falklands]

Beautiful poem Christian - but always remember that God can sustain you. "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4: 13. God loves you so much! John 15:13 says, "Greater love hath no one than this; that he down his life for his friends." We cannot even comprehend how much greater is Christ's love for us, who offered up his life for the whole world. God bless you.

[falklands]

Another thing that could help is relying on someone you trust and making yourself accountable to them. Proverbs says "Two are better than one." With the help of another, you can get through this. Not hurting yourself for two days is a good start. Now if you have someone who you can trust, then try and extend that period one day longer. And then one more day, until ad infinitum. Under the force your accountability exerts, you just might get out of it. But always keep your focus on God, and also hold yourself accountable to Him. I hope this helps. God bless you!

[Triphus (Titanian)]

Christian, like Falklands said the best way to deal with this is talk to someone, obviously ur already talking with us which is awesome and i'm glad ur able to confide in us, but it might be even better if u can find a friend u can talk to face to face.

But since ur talking to us, We're definitely praying for you and i just wanted to let u know that every single one of us in here has gone through some hard time, although our experiences may be different you should know that nobodys perfect and just cause u cut ur arms doesn't mean u should be ashamed. The best way to think about it is that Jesus has gone through what ur going through. He knows how it feels. Talk to Him about it. Ask Him what to do. He'll know better then any of us.

Native Americans used to cut their arms when they were going through some time of mourning. I'm sure u don't want to talk about it if u do have one, but has anything happened lately that would have started this???

Your brother through Christ,
Josh

[falklands]

Yeah. It's best to have someone to talk to face to face, because God can sometimes seem a little distant.

[christian]

i do have a friend who is helping me with this and alot of people around me no about it

it was started over a awful home situation and i was unable to express the stresss i was going threw and i find hurting myself took the depressed angery feelings away for a short time

i grew up mostly alone my mom was mental ill eversince i was 6 she would just yell at the celling at the goverment and town she called them and played 80's music 24/7 you could hear it from the street and i had to go to sleep hearing the base threw my wall and my dad worked all day and i never enterd school at any level i learned mostly on the computer and my dad teach me how to read and write

the Church was one of the few things i went out to

7 months ago i brokedown and started threating to kill myself and my paster moved me to a new home and my dad and brother moved in with me and then my dad got me into a GED program

but while what caused my breakdown was fixed the breakdown was not and i laterd tryed 3 times to kill myself and was put into a hospital after ever attampt

and im still trying to get out of my depression

poems are one of the ways i expressd my feelings

and if anyone has a hardtime understanding self harm there is plenty about it on the internet

[Triphus (Titanian)]

wow..............you've gotta be amazingly strong to be able to withstand all that..........all i can say is that God has placed you on this earth for a purpose, and no matter what happens stick with it, God will use u in ways u'll never imagine.

[christian]

gush you already feel like friends

heres a poem you may like

Majestic Carlo's 07-15-05
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm here in the smooth sunset of Mr.Carlos
south American restaurant as the sun goes down sleep
its heat away the cool moon turns on like a light in the dark

and i hear praise going up to the most high
and i wonder how could the king not smile
how could his servants not clamp
how could the angels not dance on the gold streets of heaven

finally the Prophets can prophecy finally Jesus can sing
finally the doves can fly finally the worshiper's can worship
and finally i can believe

[Geberia]

Wow, you are really talented at poem writing...u should talk to GDL, he wrote a poem about an orchestra the other day. Once again, we are all praying for you and remember that God can help anyone, anywhere, anytime. His love can fix any problem we might have!

[gynovia]

oh yeah, sounds like you've been through some really tough times, but, yeah. God is always with you, no matter. he loves and cares for you. so glad that you're talking though sometimes it helps just to talk to friends

[Triphus (Titanian)]

That's a great poem Christian, it seems like you really are good with words, do you have any others u could share with us?

[christian]

i have mainly 3 types of poems

sadd depressed self harm poems
christian poems
and i think i have a few happy poems around here


if anyone ever wants to talk just pm and il give ya my number

[gynovia]

cool, like to hear some sometime.

[falklands]

Give us a happy poem. From the beauty of your writing that I've already seen, I'm sure I'll find joy in reading it.

[christian]

heres one i like

let the kids rejoice 08-02-05
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let the children sing
let them cry away there sorrows
let them forgive to heal there pain
let them dance to the streams of joy
let them pick up the fallen brothers
to heal the broken hearts
and
let them fellowship in front of the doubters
let them Disco to revive the depressed

let them accomplish the impossible to bring hope to the hopeless

and let the kids grow and let them be the hero's of today for the kids of tomorrow

[gynovia]

oh thats so awesome! you're a really a talented writer.

[christian]

i cutt myself during class this morining

4 cutts in the bathroom

i had not done it in 5 days

[steelsheen]

Aww, Christian! (virtual hugs) I'm praying for you. Your poetry was really good. Whenever I get depressed and all, I write- been a few inches from a knife, too. Someone has always stopped me, though.

God loves you, and so does your pastor from the sound of things- at least you have that.

I hope things get better for you, hun! (more hugs)

[ashbash]

hey christian. be strong, man, don't let it get u down or you'll spiral, when i screw up that can happen to me sometimes

remember that "The Lord upholds all those who fall, and lifts up all who are bowed down" (Psalm 145:13-14)
just remember he still loves you so much no matter what!
i'll be praying for you mate.

[christian]

i might be going into a mental hospital today

iv been having a very strong urge to cut my wrist im not sure why tho and i was on the verge of doing it a few days ago

well see what happens today